Someone Must be out there

Are you there?  Someone must be out there feeling the same as I do.  Desperate.  Can't find a way out.  Can't see any light in the future.

I know everyone says I deserve better and he's not worth of me.  I score high in every aspect of my life, except for this.  This is the only place where I stumbled and failed.  Why did he do this to me?  Such atrocity!  Such cruelty!

But I can't get over it.  I'm suffering not because I'm betrayed; I'm suffering because I love him so much, despite the betrayal.  What do I do?  I'm not a cliché.  My feeling is real.

Where are you?  I know you are out there.  I know millions of people must be feeling what I am feeling now.  What do you do when you love the person who betrays you so so much?  What do you do?  Answer me!

Swan Song

Every conversation, every photograph, every song you play, every moment of togetherness...is a swan song.  The eternal sadness is looming in the horizon.

Cherish this moment.  Look at you one more time and you are gone.  Look at me one more time and I am gone.  Smile. Last smile.  Tears. Last tears.  Will you remember my tears?

Talk about Love

Will someone please talk about love?  Whoever you turn to in an infidelity situation, wherever you go to present yourself as the "victim," what you get is--be strong, good to yourself, get a massage, you deserve better, go shopping, find a new hobby....What about love?  Can anyone tell me how to deal with the heart that is still burning and hurting?  Can anyone explain how love works?

How can it be?  All the therapists, advisors, specialists...everyone who is supposed to help does not talk about love.  "It'll get better," they say.  "Oh, I understand it hurts,"  they say.  And?  And?  And?  Love doesn't just die.  It keeps growing even after betrayal.  What should I do?  Where is a real Dr. Love?

Suspense

Where do the tides take you?  Is there light in the future?  I find I'm agitated, disturbed, unsettled, suspicious of any signs.  The best thing is a clearcut farewell, they'll say.  The best thing is not to count on happiness brought by him, they'll say.  The best thing is to forget, forget, forget....

They say you'll be happier.

But how can I forsake all the feelings?  The only true feeling, the feeling I cherish so much.  Forsaking it is betraying myself.  Betraying myself is worse than non-existence.

So I'm suspended....